Getting in the holiday shopping spirit
JOEL MARTIN | Hagadone News Network | UPDATED 6 years, 8 months AGO
Joel Martin
Joel Martin has been with the Columbia Basin Herald for more than 25 years in a variety of roles and is the most-tenured employee in the building. Martin is a married father of eight and enjoys spending time with his children and his wife, Christina. He is passionate about the paper’s mission of informing the people of the Columbia Basin because he knows it is important to record the history of the communities the publication serves. | December 12, 2019 7:55 AM
‘Martin... Joel Martin...”
“Huh? Whazzat? Who’s clanking those chains? Oh, for the love of – Do you know what time it is?”
“Joel Martin...”
“Yeah, we got that part straight. Cripes! Can’t you people give me a break? I spent all last night with the Ghost of Christmas Pluperfect Subjunctive. I swear, if I’d had to look at one more Christmas-that-might-have-have-been, I’d’ve stabbed him in the neck with a sharpened candy cane. Did you know that there are over 60 different ways to make wassail? I do now. In detail.”
“Take it easy, that’s not my department. I’m the Spirit of Christmas Presents.”
“Christmas present? That was done long ago. You’re living in the past, pal.”
“No need to get tense about it. I said ‘Christmas presents.’ As in gifts.”
“Oh, that’s no problem. I’m an excellent gift-giver.”
“Um, well, that’s what we need to talk about. Fact is, you’re not.”
“Sure I am. Everyone says so.”
“Everyone? Would that include your nephew? You cheaped out and got him an ‘almost new’ chemistry set with all the labels missing.”
“So? He figured it out. Kid’s a genius.”
“But now he’s a genius who has 11 toes, glows in the dark and perpetually smells of paint thinner.”
“Yeah, well, that could have happened to anybody.”
“And the time you gave your in-laws that liqueur from some obscure valley in Tajikistan?”
“Hey, that was a real coup. Do you know how hard that was to find?”
“I sure do. And I know that it left the hazmat crew with PTSD and they’re now legally prohibited from selling their house for 400 years.”
“But they don’t want to move anyway. No harm, no foul.”
“And since you bring up fowl –”
“I didn’t.”
“There was that time you sent a Christmas goose to your cousin and his family.”
“I thought it was a nice gesture. Like in the song, ‘Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat...’ It’s a tradition.”
“But you didn’t read the fine print. The service delivered a live goose to the house. It pecked their Yorkie to death, treated their living room like a statue in the park, busted out a window and flew away.”
“Hmm. I wondered why they hadn’t spoken to me lately.”
“It’s always like that with you. Always. I mean, who gives a nail gun to a six-year-old? Face it, Martin, you need to leave the Christmas shopping to your wife.”
“Can’t I even do the stocking stuffers? I have some really good ideas for that.”
“Like the turbocharged Pez dispensers last year? I hear your daughter’s candy extraction surgery went well. Pity she’ll always have that dent in her skull. And let’s not even bring up the...”
“Okay, okay, you win. I’ll let my wife take over this year. So why don’t you tell her that yourself and let me get some sleep?”
“You nuts? You think I’m gonna wake that woman up at this time of night? Not me, buddy.”
“Smart ghost.”
Joel Martin can be reached via email at [email protected].
ARTICLES BY JOEL MARTIN
Quincy National Night Out scales down
QUINCY — Quincy’s National Night Out was more compact this year, which worked out well, said QPD Sgt. Joe Westby, who’s in charge of event planning for the Quincy Police Department. “National Night Out is a big event, and the fact that we’re able to shrink it up is like a breath of fresh air,” Westby said. “If you're always doing the same thing, it's kind of nice to switch things up and see how it works.” National Night Out took place Thursday on the block of C Street next to the police station, a shift from previous years when it was held at Lauzier Park. The smaller space meant fewer emergency vehicles for children to explore, but it also meant less walking for attendees. Grant County Fire District 5 brought a fire truck, and the Grant County Sheriff’s Office had a patrol boat. Renew, the Grant County behavioral health agency, had a booth and so did Quincy Partnership for Youth. Veterans Operation Creation sang the national anthem, and the Quincy Animal Shelter brought kittens that piled over each other making friends with passersby. As before, the QPD served grilled hot dogs.
Quincy Police retirements leave big shoes to fill
QUINCY — There are some big shoes to fill at the Quincy Police Department. “We’re losing 48 years of experience between them,” Quincy Police Chief Ryan Green said at the retirement party for Capt. Jorge Trujillo and Det. Damon Powell Thursday. Trujillo, who grew up in Sunnyside, has been with QPD for 19 years, he said, coming on as a patrol officer fresh out of the military. From there he served as a field training officer, a detective and finally captain. “I consider him my left-hand man,” Green said. “He runs the operations side of the house … He knows the agency very well, and he knows the community.” Trujillo has some projects around the house to tackle now that he’s retired, he said.
Big fun on a small scale
Wheat Land Communities’ Fair opens Thursday
RITZVILLE — The Wheat Land Communities’ Fair isn’t as big or as flashy as some of the county fairs around central Washington, but the folks who keep it going like it just the way it is. “It’s somewhere you can go and get an old-time traditional feeling, and you’re comfortable letting your kids roam the grounds and experience all that it has to offer,” said Board Member Lori Williams. “It’s more of a feeling than (one) specific thing,” The fair starts Thursday in Ritzville and runs through Sunday. Starting Friday, the 56th Ritzville Rodeo will take place alongside the fair at the rodeo grounds. This year the entertainment budget was expanded, Williams said, to be able to offer more fun that’s covered by the cost of admission. For the kids, there’s face painting, balloon art, Lego crafts, races, contests and games. Children can also ride on a little train towed around the fairgrounds behind a tractor.