Lookin' for a sign - but for what?

As motorists, we look to road signs for guidance.

And these days, especially around here, there’s a whole lot of guidance.

But some of these signs are a bit confusing ... or at least thought-provoking.

And to sports fans, perhaps a little different meaning than originally intended.

Road work ahead: This sounds even funnier when Homer Simpson says it. On some GPS systems, you can rig it so Homer is the voice. Some people, I hear, like to take “Homer” on vacation with them, so they can enjoy him telling them to do things they could probably already figure out on their own. But it’s good entertainment ... “After 400 yards, turn right and take the motorway!” is one of his commands.

Left shoulder closed: Is this an observation, or a warning? If you’re playing golf (and you’re right-handed), if your left shoulder is closed, that means it’s turned in toward the ball, and not square with the other shoulder to the target, and it’s going to take some doing to not block the ball to the right. Likewise in baseball.

Imagine seeing that sign in lights, on a reader board on the golf course, like those temporary warning signs on the highway?

You’d think the golf gods were picking on you, like when you duff a chip and someone walks by and says, “Ah, you quit on that shot.”

Hey, thanks.

Right shoulder closed: Ditto for left shoulder closed, but for left-handed hitters.

Shoulder closed: Well, which one? Most of us have two.

Shoulder work: Yes, that would be nice; my shoulders get to aching sometimes. Is there a turnout up ahead where I can get help with that?

Utility work ahead: In baseball, reserve position players are often referred to as utility players. So whenever I see that sign, I picture some backup infielders up ahead, taking some ground balls.

Roundabouts: Many also call them traffic circles. I like to call them roundabouts because it reminds me of the song by Yes ... “I’ll be the round about/The words will make you out ‘n’ out/You change the day your way ... ”

Either way, some find them irritating, but I think they’re one of the finest transportations ever. They replace those sloggish four-way stop signs, which often resemble Mexican standoffs and usually back traffic WAY up. Unless you’re that driver who feels like YOU have the right of way, no matter when you showed up. Then the fun begins ...

Near NIC, there’s a roundabout (of sorts) at the intersection of Park Drive and Garden Avenue. But, instead of motorists making the three-quarter turn around the roundabout to head left on Garden, some drivers just make a quick left in front of the roundabout.

Might be a good photo op someday.

Another good photo op used to be catching people driving the wrong way in downtown Sandpoint — at least, until they changed the traffic flow recently. But before that, there was such a mix of one-way and two-way streets that it took a while to get the hang of it. But sometimes you would walk out the door of the Daily Bee and see someone rolling down Church Street, toward 1st Avenue. Nothing to do but shake your head and wish them luck up ahead.

But you usually only see that from confused tourists ... or folks on weekends after 2 a.m.

Pathway closed ahead — find alternate route: Thanks, but WHERE? Usually there’s a Detour sign that tells you where to go. But here? Nothing. Figure it out.

Then there’s those funky left-turn lanes on U.S. 95, on Aqua and Orchard and Dakota. That’s one way to keep people from crossing U.S. 95, or trying to turn left without benefit of a stoplight, which seems like a stressful way to drive.

Right turns are your friend.

Also, it cleans up that mess in the middle of the intersection, where motorists heading in both directions can be trying to turn left, and folks from side streets are trying to jump into the intersection. Pretty soon, it looks like a used car lot.

And then there’s that left-turn lane at Lake City High School, heading north on Ramsey, across from the Lake City Church. Actually, it’s not a turn lane so much as it is an island — and a skinny island at that. You have to shimmy your car into the middle there, and angle it so that you don’t get clipped by traffic heading in either direction.

That doesn’t work so well if you’re driving a bus — you essentially have to block the left lane.

Maybe someday they can take out the grass and the trees in the middle, just before that mini turning area, and make a nice, long, left-turn lane there.

And if they want to put up a sign telling me one of my shoulders is closed, well, I can live with that.

Mark Nelke is sports editor of The Press. He can be reached at 664-8176, Ext. 2019, or via email at [email protected]. Follow him on Twitter@CdAPressSports.