The way Mike Randles scored in Week 1, you’d think the guy knew something about football.

Considering Iron Mike’s the athletic director at Coeur d’Alene High School, you’d be right.

Randles bolted into the lead by going 14-1-1. His lone miss was Cleveland’s loss to Tennessee, and of course, everybody registered a tie with the 27-27 stalemate registered by Arizona and Detroit.

Word is that the staff and kids at Children’s Village, the local nonprofit Randles is playing for, were doing the wave when Mike’s tally went up on the Press scoreboard. But the season is long and the smuggest of smirks can quickly turn to tears, which is why Press Pigskin Prognosticator fans should keep an eye on Anne Hagman.

An ICCU icon playing for Heritage Health, Anne was sacked from the get-go. Her Week 1 record of 6-9-1 places her firmly in last place, but anybody who knows her understands Anne doesn’t take losing lightly. Hear those footsteps, Iron Mike?

The League encourages smack-talk among Press Pigskin Prognosticators, rewarding the best barbs with internal attaboys and sometimes even praise in print. Here are just a few Week 1 highlights.

THE OTHER MIKE: That was Kennedy, the Intermax honcho who was visually busted by Post Falls Police Chief Pat Knight. Reported Knight: “I think Mike Kennedy is really into this. I saw him in Costco on Sunday hiding out near the big screen TVs catching the scores! Let’s hope he didn’t pick against the Cowboys!” (He didn’t, Chief — but he’s in next-to-last place anyway.)

CANDID CAMERON: Press sports columnist Steve Cameron got tangled up in a testy email scuffle with the aforementioned Kennedy and pizza slinger Jim Hightower. The League reprimanded him for unsmacklike conduct, to which Cameron, in unabashed belligerence, issued the following statement: “I will not be engaging in Mike Patrick’s annual explosion of mindless banter in these prognostications. All witty comments can be found four times per week in my Pulitzer Prize-favored column, The Cheap Seats.”

Haughty? Hell, yes. And Cameron wasn’t done.

“These steps are necessary because I am duty-bound not to pick against the Seahawks (I’m covering them), Kansas City (for my stepson), Green Bay (as the author of two books on the Packers), or Jacksonville while Wazzu Minshew is playing quarterback.

“Those choices are locked in every week, so unfortunately I’m helpless.

“Therefore, the remainder of my selections will be made by Sammie the World’s Greatest Cat. She is a consistent winner on her offshore betting account — she paid for my condo — and so I’m letting the expert in our house choose for me.

“All my fellow prognosticators may consider this as my ‘banter’ for the time being. Take up any objections with Sammie TWGC.”

The League agrees with one thing. Cameron is indeed helpless.

And he’s a modest 10-5-1.

PACKER MADNESS: The League notes that North Idaho is sickeningly awash in yellow and green. The Packers’ lucky win over the Ditka-less Bears was celebrated from Stateline to the Silver Valley and all points between. But DeAnne Boegli (10-5-1) of TDS went too far, in The League’s official opinion. Her home office is in Madison, Wisc., not far from the gruesome village of Green Bay.

“It was sweet to watch the Packers tromp over the Bears last week!” she chortled. “I know it really had to sting for Commissioner Patrick, but really, who would pick a Bear to beat a (meat) Packer? We cut ‘em up and freeze ‘em up north!”

SUCCULENT SIDE BET: Smack talk does have its sweet side. Hightower (11-4-1), who owns the local Domino’s Pizza franchises and is playing for Tesh, Inc., challenged his rival, Jared Staples. Staples (13-2-1), owner of Firehouse Subs and Papa Murphy’s Pizza, is playing for Open Arms Real Choices Clinic.

Hightower: “Here’s my challenge to the Papa Murphy’s Guy: I will pick more games correctly than you will when we get to the end of the season, and if I win, I get to donate $100 to Tesh (my charity). If you pick more right, you get to donate $100 to your chosen charity! Game on?”

Staples: “It’s on, Mr. Hightower!”

League: We like pizza. The free-er, the better-er.