PRESS PIGSKIN PROGNOSTICATORS

Rabid rumors running rampant

By MIKE PATRICK

PPP Commissioner

The League must open this week’s installment in full-suited rumor control.

It is not true that the winning nonprofit in this august competition will be featured during next year’s Super Bowl in a two-minute video valued at $60 million. Nor is it true that the winning nonprofit will receive Bentleys for its top executives.

Reports that the winning nonprofit’s leading contributors will receive all-expense paid two-month vacations in the Caribbean are, alas, unfounded. Full, free tuition to Trump University for the winning nonprofit’s employees’ children and grandchildren? That earns an “F” grade, as in False.

Perhaps most grotesquely, rumors that the all-star Press Pigskin Prognosticators with the best records will be enshrined in the Idaho Newspaper Hall of Fame are pitifully inaccurate. They are in fact Fake News.

No, all of these rumors are as bogus and malicious as half the letters to the editor in The Press. What the winning nonprofits will receive is far, far greater than these mere trinkets and tokens.

First place will receive four half-page ads in The Press, to be used sometime in 2020.

Second place will receive two half-page ads in The Press.

Third place will receive one half-page ad in The Press.

And as a consolation prize, the last-place finisher will earn a quarter-page ad for her chosen nonprofit.

You agree this is far more valuable than a stupid car or a sunburn, right?

That settled, there are just three games remaining. Wander over yonder to today’s Sports section, where you can see who’s still alive in the chase for prizes. Remember too that there are some side bets in play, which we’ll address after the league championship games have been played.