I get way too much credit for being a stay-at-home dad. But I’ll take it, because I’m sleep-training a toddler and I can barely keep my eyes open.

My wife and I have four children, ages 2, 4, 6 and 8 (who do we appreciate?). I started being a stay-at-home dad back when our first was just a few months old.

In the beginning, it seemed like many people in North Idaho were confused by the concept. On multiple occasions, people would see me with my baby daughter and say things like, “Looks like it’s Dad Day” or “Giving mom a break, huh?” Even people I knew couldn’t believe I was doing this by choice, assuming that, as a former full-time journalist, I had been recently laid off or something.

I didn’t take these comments personally, although I was surprised by how many seemed so dismissive of fathers in general. The bar for success is low, apparently.

Thankfully that perception has shifted somewhat in the past decade, to the point where I only occasionally get asked, “Where’s Mom?” when out-and-about with my kids. If anything, I feel like I get too much credit. Older folks especially love to praise me at Target for simply standing next to my children in the checkout line.

“You’re so wonderful for being there for them.”

“It’s so great that your kids have such an involved dad.”

Thank you, but how do you know I’m not doing a terrible job? Yes, they’re standing quietly right now. Wait 30 seconds and you’ll likely find a toddler licking the wheels of the shopping cart.

I don’t see moms out with their kids getting many compliments. There can be a mom in line with twice as many kids half as young, and I’ll be the one to be approached about my children’s good behavior.

Seems a little off.

Now, parents in general don’t get spoken to at all if they have too many kids. Take two young kids out of the house, and the world will acknowledge your existence. Take three or four or more kids out, and it’s a totally different story. I find that big families stress other people out.

Moms and dads with a lot of kids generally get one of two responses from the public:

You will be ignored. Eye contact won’t be made, though you’ll still feel the burning eyes of judgment from those who believe you’re directly responsible for the planet’s overpopulation.

People will casually stare and work hard not to ask whether you’re LDS or Catholic.

Truthfully, I don’t get many comments these days, good or bad, because I don’t take my children out of the house for errands anymore. Believe me, it’s as stressful as it looks.

Yes, I occasionally enjoy being praised for being a stay-at-home dad. Truthfully, it’s the hardest job I’ve ever had, and I’m trying to do a good job, but so often it feels like everyone else is handling it better than me.

Assuming other parents feel like this sometimes, I think parents of little kids need more praise, not because we deserve it, but because we’re sleep deprived, often hygienically unkempt and barely holding it together. A little kindness can mean a lot on those most stressful days. Okay, on any day.

Just praise the moms too. Especially praise the moms, because too many people expect moms to be forever on their game. The cliche is dads are always a little overwhelmed by parenthood, but it’s definitely all of us.

- • •

Tyler Wilson is a freelance writer and the co-host of Old Millennials Remember Movies, a podcast about tired parents trying to stay awake past 9 p.m. Find it anywhere you find podcasts and at OldMillennialsRemember.com.