All the news reported up until recently concerning the COVID-19 pandemic had been unequivocally bad. Number of cases, deaths, shortages, economic effects—all bad. But then came this announcement:

Americans as a whole “should be prepared that they’re going to have to hunker down significantly more than we as a country are doing” in order to stop the spread of COVID-19, said Dr. Anthony Fauci, the director of National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Disease. — Daniel Politi, Slate (slate.com), 15 March 2020.

Hunker down more than I normally do? Just what meaning of hunker down does Dr. Fauci have in mind?

Now if he's using the term "hunker down" to mean “To squat, with the haunches, knees, and ankles acutely bent, so as to bring the hams near the heels, and throw the whole weight upon the fore part of the feet” then I say no way. Can the 79-year old doctor do this? Is the good doctor trying to injure me?

I realize that hunkering down in that sense certainly could prove useful in some circumstances during the current pandemic, like when you’re in the grocery store and a riot breaks out over the last remaining can of Lysol Disinfectant Spray.

But honestly, if I were to get into the position described above, that is exactly the position I would remain in while being carried to the car and transported to the nearest emergency room since I’m pretty sure I would not be able to straighten up!

Possibly Dr. Fauci is using “hunker down” as a synonym for “buckle down,” a phrase used to refer to when someone settles in and concentrates on a task until the job is done. As in “Bubba hunkered down on the couch and ate the entire Boston cream pie.”

If that is what the doctor means, then I am sort of at a loss. What possible “task” for me could he be referring to? Since retirement from teaching and coaching, my list of tasks has diminished more and more each passing year.

Well, I guess you could count something like “Mike hunkered down on the couch to read a book ... and eat an entire Boston cream pie” as a task.

However, if by "hunker down" Dr. Fauci means for Americans to stay home, limit human contact, and load up on essential supplies, then this is the moment I have been training for over the last seven years — it's my time to shine!

Finally, someone has placed an official stamp of approval on my lifestyle. And to think that, lately, I had been experiencing feelings of guilt about wasting so much time. But now I realize I was working on a skill that is greatly underappreciated — the art of hunkering down.

After seven long years suffering the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, consisting of day after day of dedicated sleeping, sitting, day dreaming, reading, snacking, and napping, it is fair to say that I am supremely prepared to show the way for this great nation in its time of need.

Believe me, I do not take this trust that has been thrust upon me lightly. If hunkering down even more, as the government entreats me to do, will help make America, or, at the very least, Wall Street, great again, you can count on me to do my part without complaint.

I must say that hunkering down is not as easy as it was prior to the pandemic. The real pain began around a week ago when the NCAA canceled March Madness. Add to that the postponement of major league baseball games, NBA games, and XFL ... wait, scratch that last one, and the hunker down challenge has been taken to a whole new level.

One good thing about all this is that I’ve taken more of an interest in cooking. Whereas normally I would settle in to watch sports on television while my wife whips up a delicious meal all by herself, now I’m skipping TV and helping her prepare dinner in the kitchen.

Why just the other night, while my wife roasted stuffed portobello mushrooms with crispy goat cheese, sweet onions, red bliss potatoes, arugula salad with oven dried tomato vinaigrette, and prepared chocolate banana crepes for dessert, I filled water glasses for BOTH of us!

After dinner and once I finished putting BOTH water glasses in the dishwasher, I hunkered down on the couch, turned on the TV, and stared at a mind-numbing sports lineup: Australian football, women’s bobsled, championship snocross (?). I finally settled for a replay of the 2017 NIT semifinal matchup between the TCU Horned Frogs and UCF Knights.

While I am a truly committed hunker downer, I feel that during this time I also have an obligation to do my part going to the store, which I normally avoid. While shopping, I too have encountered shortages of toilet paper and disinfectant. But thank God, no panic buying of apple fritters as of yet.

I do feel sorry for the local restaurants and bars that are struggling while many of us hunker down. But I promise, once the virus coast is clear and we can safely venture out of the house again, I will be among the first to head downtown to order drinks, dinner ... and a big slice of Boston cream pie for dessert.

Mike Murphy of Pocatello is an award-winning columnist with accolades including an Associated Press first-place award in column writing and a first place award in a national writing contest sponsored by Nissan Corp. His articles are syndicated by Senior Wire.