Letting grief walk with you

Death is a part of life we all must face. That is universal. But grief is not the same for everyone. Each death, each individual who mourns, experiences it differently.

When that death is of one’s child taken too soon, when the grief is a parent’s, an almost unnatural element takes hold. Outliving one’s children or grandchildren just isn’t something anyone can prepare for. Perhaps that’s why “accepting” feels just as unnatural.

July is Bereaved Parents Month. The following was posted on social media by my cousin, whose son David died suddenly of an asthma attack in his early 20s:

“I have heard it said that my son is in a better place, he’s at peace, God needed him to come home. It’s all true but offers little comfort.

“I have also heard it said that grief is a passage, not a place to stay. For some, this may be true. For me, it’s not. Grief is not a passage for me, nor is it a place at all. Rather, it is something which is always with me.

“At first, it was a force which consumed my every thought. In time, it was less overwhelming, but always with me, threatening to appear at any time, for any reason, sometimes for no reason at all.

“I grieve for my son openly and without shame, for many reasons. For one thing, if I don’t grieve openly, mourn openly, the grief which walks with me would consume me once again. Another reason is because my son deserves to be remembered. He was just a man to the world, but to me, he was the world.

“Thirdly, I grieve in the open for all to see, because although my grief walks with me, in this unwanted and unwelcome partnership we have, it is now part of who I am, and I have learned to let it walk with me, rather than to control me.

“What it took for me to find my smile, find my Christmas again, is remarkably difficult to describe or explain, and it’s different for everyone, but I did it. I want others to see this. Not for credit or recognition, but for them to see that it is possible, and to humbly remind them that gratitude is vital for survival.

“I pray anyone who reads this will never experience what I have, but the truth is, we all grieve. We grieve those gone too soon, those gone before, we grieve people and pets and relationships lost.

“This is to remind you that your sun will shine again, if you are willing to see it, when you are in the darkest moments of grief, if only for a moment at a time, let it shine its warm light upon your face, and be grateful.”

In addition to some local churches, support groups include Hospice of North Idaho’s grief recovery program 208-772-7994.

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Sholeh Patrick is a columnist for the Hagadone News Network. Email [email protected].