THE CHEAP SEATS with STEVE CAMERON: Since you asked, here's more on the Seahawks' latest fiasco

There are so many other things I want to write about today.

How about more on the Mariners’ battle to escape the desert to reach a postseason oasis, or the fact that Tom Brady has been missing so long, he’ll soon be featured on a milk carton, or even the disgraceful 11-game suspension handed to Deshaun Watson, an ugly resolution that didn’t seem to satisfy anyone.

We can (and certainly will) return to these issues — and many more unmentioned here — but in fact, most of the emails that have shorted out my computer were, well …

If they had been audio, I’d have suffered some horrible howling.

About the Seahawks.

But surely you already guessed that.

Thursday night’s embarrassing 27-11 loss to the Chicago Bears’ junior varsity was painful to watch.

Not because the score mattered in an exhibition game, either.

Not even because we didn’t get to see the second round of the quarterback battle, since Drew Lock sat out with a bout of COVID-19.

NO, AS Pete Carroll himself went to great lengths pointing out, you can’t play football like that and expect to win.

Against anybody.

In an exhibition or the regular season.

It was that bad.

You probably watched it, but just for the record, the Seahawks couldn’t block, couldn’t tackle, couldn’t catch punts or passes, and were penalized for almost every violation in the NFL’s Bible-sized rulebook.

To get the quarterback thing out of the way up front … Lock now has played just one half over two exhibitions, and not at all with a first unit including receivers Tyler Lockett and DK Metcalf.

He’s looked good in practice and, by all accounts, outplayed Geno Smith in the mock game that preceded these three exhibition games (the Seahawks go to Dallas on Friday).

As for the Bears fiasco, Geno played the first half and he was …

Geno.

And we know Geno.

Hell, EVERYBODY knows Geno.

Nothing spectacular, no points, no turnovers, couple of decent throws, a drop or two, yada, yada.

Forgettable, in other words.

Brock Huard, also a former NFL quarterback who held clipboards his entire career — and now hosts a Seattle talk show — made this statement on the air: “If the Seahawks go with Geno Smith as their No. 1 quarterback, it’s an announcement that they’re tanking.”

You can imagine how the combative Carroll appreciates the suggestion that he’s going to tank the 2022 season — even if it’s true.

Meanwhile …

Jacob Eason, who has had about as much practice time as you at home, played QB in the second half.

He made some nice throws, and also some that were airmailed to fans in the third row.

He ALSO suffered some drops (which kind of kept up the theme of the night).

The Seahawks' only touchdown — with barely two minutes left and the score 27-3 — was scored on a bruising 8-yard dash by running back Darwin Thompson, who isn’t even listed on the team’s four-deep depth chart.

Ironically, it was another 16-yard dash by Thompson, on which he leaped over a defender, that got the biggest cheer of the night from a snoozing crowd at Lumen Field.

They might want to update that depth chart.

LET’S NOT pussyfoot around this situation, OK?

The Seahawks have problems, and just 15 days to fix some of them before Russell Wilson and the Broncos are in town for a Monday night spectacle.

Even though Carroll has mentioned again this summer that his best teams have been built on four pillars — defense, special teams, a running game and ball security — he still needs to sort out the QB situation.

The coaches need to know what they can get from Lock.

Geno has always been Geno, safe hands but very few points.

Pete might be thinking he can win lots of 13-9 games (hilarious), or he actually could be doing the prudent thing and planning for the 2023 season — which he would absolutely deny under oath or torture.

GM John Schneider, by the way, has admitted that next season is right there on the drawing board — and he confessed without being waterboarded.

It’s not so hard, Pete.

Either way …

All those mistakes from Thursday night need to be cleaned up, or the Seahawks would struggle to be competitive in the USFL.

YES, WE know (as Pete pointed out), that Seattle left a few carloads of very good players on the sidelines against the Bears.

Still …

They committed goofs that would enrage a youth league coach, and a lot of the players on the field during that stinker WILL make the 53-man roster.

“Man, there just seems to be so many lessons for us right here,” Carroll said. “We’ve got a big list.”

Amen.

I think we can all agree that the Seahawks won’t be Super Bowl contenders this year.

It would be acceptable, though, if they’re not the Jets.

Oh, and …

If Lock can play enough for Carroll to know if he’s the answer.

Fair enough?

Email: [email protected]

Steve Cameron’s “Cheap Seats” columns appear in The Press three times each week. He also writes Zags Tracker, a commentary on Gonzaga basketball which is published weekly during the season, beginning in October.

Steve suggests you take his opinions in the spirit of a Jimmy Buffett song: “Breathe In, Breathe Out, Move On.”