THE CHEAP SEATS with STEVE CAMERON: Solving the mysteries of the Seahawks upcoming draft

Sorry if my phone reception has been poor the past few days.

It’s not always great in this part of the world.

See, I’m in Nepal today, walking the streets of Kathmandu (with an occasional rickshaw ride) to see if anyone in this city of 1.44 million has NOT published a NFL mock draft.

It’s becoming obvious that the league has mesmerized the entire globe, and even monks who speak no English will debate (through a translator) whether or not Minnesota center John Michael Schmitz is worth taking in the first round.

A lovely little man of about 98 suddenly rose up in anger when I suggested that the Seahawks’ chatter about taking a quarterback at No. 5 might all be a ruse.

I tried to remind him that Seattle GM John Schneider himself has said: “Everyone is lying before the draft.”

No use.

I had to make a quick departure, lest he whack me with a long-used Nepalese weapon, a sack full of petrified bulls’ cojones.

Rather than risk life and limb over the No. 5 draft choice, I promptly retreated — because clearly the NFL draft is a matter for red-faced argument (or ancient forms of violence) everywhere on the planet.

OK, IN case you haven’t guessed …

I’m not actually in Nepal (flew home last week), but folks, nobody’s kidding about the draft.

The only difference geographically is that in North Idaho, if you’re insulting some fellow’s plan for the Seahawks to use their first-round picks, he’s liable to knock you off a bar stool.

At least you’re probably not concussed by a head shot involving a bag of some bull’s private parts.

Seriously, now …

There is reason to be following all these discussions and the endless mock drafts.

The Hawks improved dramatically last year, and with a boatload of picks again this time around, it’s not just imagination to picture this team making deeper inroads into the playoffs.

The draft, which begins April 27 and runs three days in what will surely be a wild party in Kansas City, has truly gotten us inventing scenarios from deadly logical to insanely brilliant.

If there are no more trades ahead of Seattle’s pick at No. 5 (hah!), Schneider and Pete Carroll may have their choice of an impact defensive player — either edge rusher Will Anderson or destructive tackle Jalen Carter.

Or, they can take a flier on a franchise quarterback, somebody to understudy Geno Smith for one season and then take the reins.

Which QB could they land, you ask?

Um, that depends on the teams ahead of them, and I’ve seen mock drafts in which Carolina uses the first pick for Bryce Young, C.J. Stroud, Will Levis or Anthony Richardson.

If Arizona (No. 3) trusts Kyler Murray enough to pass on choosing a QB, one of the top four would HAVE to fall to Seattle.

But will it be the one they covet?

As Schneider says …

Everybody’s lying.

I RAN into Mel Kiper in Kathmandu, where he was taking one last look at foreign talent, and he brought up an excellent point.

Let’s say Seattle wants Jalen Carter — satisfied after this personal visit that he’ll be a good citizen and a great player – but also would like to grab a quarterback for the future.

Both Kiper and fellow draftnik Todd McShay have suggested Seattle could use both first-round picks on impact defensive players, but then trade BACK into the bottom of the round to take Tennessee’s Hendon Hooker.

The reason for that move is that only first-round selections come with a fifth-year rookie contract option — so if you’re training a QB and really want that extra year, you can’t wait ‘til the second round.

The current scuttlebutt, however, is that the Vikings – picking at No. 23 — are weary of Kirk Cousins and might take Hooker.

THIS IS where the draft becomes a true game of cat-and-mouse.

Recall that Kansas City traded up in the first round to take Patrick Mahomes, who has been pretty decent so far.

Do the Seahawks like Hooker enough to use pick No. 20 on him?

Or gamble that the Vikings are going to draft someone else, then try that stunt late in the round.

For that matter, if they’re going to train a quarterback for a year, why not go all-in and trade

up from No. 5 to grab Richardson.

That’s a popular rumor, but then, there’s plenty of “insider info” afloat at the moment.

In the meantime, there are a few players at various levels that I personally fancy …

Defensive tackle Calijah Kancey from Pitt is going to be a star, and if the Hawks don’t wind up with Carter, he’s my guy.

Also, we KNOW Seattle to take an edge rusher at some point, and I’m thinking it will be Georgia’s Nolan Smith.

Also, Army’s Andre Carter II could be a second-day steal at that position.

Finally, because Carroll HAS to run the ball, they need to land Florida guard O’Cyrus Torrence.

See?

Easy.

Now …

Where’s that monk who isn’t sold on Calijah Kancey?

Email: [email protected]

Steve Cameron’s “Cheap Seats” columns appear in The Press four times each week, normally Tuesday through Friday unless, you know, stuff happens.

Steve suggests you take his opinions in the spirit of a Jimmy Buffett song: “Breathe In, Breathe Out, Move On.”