I really don’t make New Years’ resolutions any more.

They don’t work for me. And I rarely make it more than a week before I’ve already broken them.

Take for example this year...in fact, today….in fact a few hours ago.

I’ve been fighting this dang crud that keeps coming back to remind me how little I like coughing, sneezing, watery eyes and snot dripping down on my keyboard.

I resolved this year to not let the plethora of cats running helter-skelter through my neighborhood get to me.

It’s just a stupid cat, nothing to get upset about. Unless, of course, you consider cat poop on your porch to be no big deal.

I consider it a big deal because I do not now, nor would I ever own a cat.

A couple of hours ago as I was contemplating what to say in this column that would reflect the New Years’ tradition, I sat down to write (nose dripping, non-stop coughing, etc) and opened the curtains on the windows in my home office.

There, just a few feet away from me but protected by glass, was a cat. He/she whatever, was in the act...the act of pooping.

Earlier today I resolved that it would not bother me like it always does.

Resolution number one, as they say, shot down in flames.

What makes this act all the more stressful this year is I paid a whopping $30 for a “solar powered sound machine” that puts out a noise cats can’t stand.

Neither can deer.

Last time I got one of these worthless devices I came out on my porch for my morning coffee and saw four deer lounging on the grass just a few feet from the solar deer repeler. The four deer looked like they had just smoked some weed and were chilling until the Metallica concert started.

On to resolution attempt number two.

I will not get mad when it takes more than 30 seconds to get onto Highway 200 here in Plains.

I found myself one day this past summer, rushing to get to a rodeo event, fussing and fuming about the “damn traffic” in Plains. Then I had one of those truck Epiphany that flashed me back to I-5 in downtown Seattle ... .thousands of cars going nowhere with no apparent reason for the delay.

I could have self-detonated.

But I didn’t, and I didn’t make a resolution any more. In fact, I started laughing about the whole experience.

Then, I promised myself I will not do a slow burn while standing in line and listening as the person in front of me goes over every condiment combination known to man, asking if he could get that on his hamburger.

One, two, three….breathe and smile. Look at the cool mountains and the awesome river you live by.

I will refocus on keeping my urge to bark at a ref in check. That one is going to be really hard, not because the refs are bad, but because I have to have my say!

I will actually haul this big carcass of mine onto the fancy exercise bike I purchased. Used it twice this year.

Booooo.

And here’s one guaranteed to fail.

I will reduce my salt intake.

I’ve done a good job lately, but now that popcorn in the gyms season is here, I’ve got no chance to keep that resolution.

So, I guess all this makes me, well, a regular kind of guy, eh?