THE CHEAP SEATS with STEVE CAMERON: Lots of stones in what should be diamond of a season for M's

Fans at T-Mobile Park have adopted an anthem to sing for just about any occasion.

For whatever reason, the song they’ve taken to heart is “Take Me Home, Country Roads,” by the late John Denver.

Frankly, I think it’s a poor choice, and not just because the tune is all about going home to West Virginia — which, ah, doesn’t really click here in the Northwest.

Let’s toss out “Country Roads” shall we?

There’s a far better John Denver song that really works for this current Mariners season.

It’s called “Some Days are Diamonds,” and the lyrics are just about perfect for describing this maddening year.

Go ahead and pretend that the first verse here is about last year’s thrilling team, and how we feel now that its magic has somehow disappeared.

COME ON and sing along …

“When you asked how I've been here without you

I'd like to say I've been fine and I do

But we both know the truth is hard to come by

And if I told the truth that's not quite true

“Some days are diamonds, some days are stones

Sometimes the hard times won't leave me alone

Sometimes a cold wind blows a chill in my bones

Some days are diamonds, some days are stones

“Now the face that I see in my mirror

More and more is a stranger to me

More and more I can see there's a danger

In becoming what I never thought I'd be

“Some days are diamonds, some days are stones … ”

YEP, WE have to admit those lyrics work pretty well for the 2023 Mariners, a team that should be hunting for the playoffs – but seems to trip on some stones each time it looks like the path is paved with diamonds.

Or …

Not necessarily tripping, but in the case of Jarred Kelenic, breaking a foot by kicking a water cooler.

Brilliant, eh?

So, what else besides self-inflicted injury has turned this team into an also-ran, a club hanging around .500 because it can’t get out of its own way?

The simple answer, believe it or not, is that this is baseball.

Consider this the sport where nothing is a given, where you think you’re steaming toward the postseason, and then everything suddenly bites you on the backside.

Sure, there are obvious reasons why the Mariners are limping along (pun intended), and apparently failing to produce a record that matches their talent.

Ironically, the pitching has been fine, despite the loss of starters Robbie Ray and Marco Gonzales to long-term injuries.

Rookie replacements Bryce Miller and Bryan Woo have hit those occasional stones in the road, but generally they’ve been really, really good.

But as for the offense …

WHIFF!

(That means they strike out too much, and at the worst possible times.)

For a few weeks, there were four Mariners among the top 10 hitters striking out in all of Major League Baseball.

Now, it’s just three (Julio Rodriguez has put just enough balls in play to escape the list), but Teoscar Hernandez and Kelenic are 1-2 in that dreaded category.

Kelenic, at least, has now kicked his way off the list.

As of Wednesday night, Teo had 15 homers and 50 RBI to show for his Ks, but Kelenic’s promising start as a dramatic young power hitter had drifted into the clouds.

Prior to booting the cooler, Kelenic had been trying to work on avoiding strikeouts, but in that quest (which obviously had not been a success), he turned into a .250 slap hitter.

This is almost as bizarre as his injury, but Kelenic — who has incredible strength — whacked seven homers right out of the gate, with No. 7 coming on April 25.

Some of his homers were absolute bombs, too, including a shot to the top of the bleachers in center at Wrigley Field that was estimated at 485 feet.

And then …

Jarred hit three more homers the following month, connecting for No. 10 on May 21.

And then …

Nada.

Almost nada.

He got one on June 9 (off Shohei Ohtani, which is almost funny), and that’s been it.

Kelenic had four homers barely more than two weeks into the season, and now he joins the injured list with more stolen bases (12) than long balls (11).

Is that weird, or what?

OK, not as weird as fighting the water cooler, but you get the point.

THE M’S funky season certainly can’t be laid at the feet of Kelenic, or any single individual.

Although …

This team tends to follow the lead of Rodriguez, who can be so electric in every phase of the game that when he’s lighting up the place, everyone tends to follow.

Julio hasn’t exactly been terrible, with a .246 average, 13 homers, 50 RBI and 22 steals, but he’s gone through stretches of swinging WAY too hard and leaving baserunners all over the place in crucial situations.

In fact, that’s the Mariners’ chief failing as a group, somehow looking awful in at-bats that could decide games.

It’s the reason they’re 11-17 in one-run games, after leading the majors at 34-22 in that category a year ago.

The bottom of the barrel came in the last homestand against generally hapless Washington, when the Mariners couldn’t score with the bases loaded and nobody out in the 10th inning — then coughed up three runs to the Nats in the 11th.

That’s the story of the season, really, although …

Wait!

One step BELOW the bottom of that barrel, we find second baseman Kolten Wong, obtained via trade to replace free agent Adam Frazier.

Wong mysteriously has turned into the worst player in MLB (.158 average, six doubles and one homer in 171 at-bats, along with shaky defense and several goofy mistakes on the bases).

Frazier?

Oh, he has 12 home runs, 45 RBI and a .714 OPS for Baltimore.

It’s been that kind of season.

But …

Come 2024, maybe a lot of days will be diamonds rather than stones.

Plus, it would help if Kelenic stopped kicking large, immovable objects.

Email: [email protected]

Steve Cameron’s “Cheap Seats” columns appear in The Press four times each week, normally Tuesday through Friday unless, you know, stuff happens.

Steve suggests you take his opinions in the spirit of a Jimmy Buffett song: “Breathe In, Breathe Out, Move On.”