Don’t know if they officially begin in August or if July qualifies, but regardless, “they” are here.

They, as in Dog Days of Summer, have descended upon Big Sky Country like a New York City wood-fired pizza oven.

The “Dog Days” are usually referenced as the string of days when the thermometer climbs above 90 and parks there.

In my world, temperatures above 90 bring life to a crawl. I’ve always been prone to prolific perspiration (say that real fast three times in a row). Growing up I spent most of the Dog Days immersed in the cooling, non-heated waters of the usually packed Athletic Park swimming pool.

My friends and I, having just spent the major part of the so-called “cool” morning hours mowing lawns or playing baseball, would gather outside the locked gates of the pool, waiting to see a lifeguard heading our way with a key to let us in.

When the gates swung open, there was a surge of humanity, followed by a minor tidal wave, followed by screams as flesh contacted the ice cold water.

I took my kids to that pool in Billings one summer day on our way to a family reunion in the Denver area. It was not a sunny day, but the temp was still hovering near 90. Knowing what lay ahead, and knowing both of my daughters would copy my water entry style, I dropped my towel and crashed into the pool, careful to conceal my desire to scream out about the former ice cube I just jumped into.

All three kids followed Dad.

Then they spent about an hour shivering under their beach towels on the side of the pool.

This ain’t Seattle, Rookies. No heated pools here.

So here it is, a lot of years later, and I’m still looking for the shock of a cold body of water.

The other day I heard a ruckus outside my house and moseyed to the front door to see what was going on. There, in my driveway, were about eight or nine deer, some with garden hoses in their mouths, others with water balloons in their hooves, doing their best to beat the heat.

Realizing this was most likely a mirage, I rubbed my eyes and returned to my chair.

Do I call someone about this? Nah.

It was less “chilling” (if you’ll pardon the pun) than the small herd of elk I saw the other afternoon. They were standing in a tight circle, giving each other Gatorade enemas, presumably to lessen the effects of “mercury rising”.

These are the days when ball games are mostly played at night when the setting sun allows a few hours of cold air to settle in. One of nature’s cruel tricks if you look at the forecast.

Restaurants and bars without good air conditioning pay the price.

Grandma stands in front of the dairy coolers, pretending to be a very price conscious shopper instead of a lady seeking a cheap chill.

To be fair, this isn’t Texas, or Arizona or southern Nevada where the thermometer has crested 120 degrees. As a guy I know who lived in the “south” said, “this ain’t hot, hot is when you can see the heat waves rising off the pavement”.

Dog Days came from the South. That’s when otherwise active hunting hounds can’t move off the covered porch. It’s just too dang hot.

It’s when the Southern Drawl came into being when during heat waves folks tongues dried and stuck to the roof of their mouths because it was too dang hot.

I try to be extra kind to the road construction crews and flaggers, who toil under the sun while standing next to a dump truck full of steaming hot asphalt. I said I try because it ain’t easy sitting in my truck waiting for a line of cars to move.

I don’t have normal air conditioning. I once again neglected that vital tool available on most cars and trucks during these modern times. No Freon, no cool.

Instead, and it was my fault for thinking this way, I’ve relied on my 2-65 “air conditioner”, which is redneck for two windows down, 65 miles an hour.

And the thing is, unless the planet warming crowd is actually correct, it will be the blink of an eye when we are cursing the sub zero readings that will surely come. We will lament the snow and ice packed roads of January.

But this is now, not then.

I would roll around on a snow-packed road right now if there were any in the area.

Otherwise, I’ll search for flexible Teflon sheets, and head to the hardware store to see if they have any fans on sale.

Hurry up football season, I need a cool Fall night sporting event.