THE CHEAP SEATS with STEVE CAMERON: How the M's put on a whiffing clinic — and still won 2 of 3

Bizarre.

Look, anything short of a remarkable turnaround and the 2023 Mariners are not likely to win anything.

That does NOT mean, however, that they won’t be involved in making news almost daily.

You probably know that it’s already happened.

For instance …

Last Friday night, Seattle pitchers Bryan Woo, Matt Brash, Andres Munoz and Paul Sewald combined to strike out 18 White Sox batters, without allowing a single walk.

Amazing stuff.

But wait …

The Mariners only won that game 3-2 on a late solo home run by Teoscar Hernandez, mainly because they left a good share of the Pacific Northwest stranded on base.

The M’s “clutch hitters” managed just a 2-for-15 effort with runners in scoring position.

That will normally cost you a defeat, but of course, the Sox were ringing up Ks at a fantastic rate — and thus were limited to a pair of solo home runs.

Such a situation will give even the most frustrating offense hope that somebody might launch one to save the game, and sure, Teo did it with a mighty bomb over the center field fence.

A strange game, right?

YES, BUT the rest of the series simply picked up steam in the wacko department.

On Saturday, the Mariners once again invited thousands to be left on base as they flailed in vain.

This time, it was another dismal 2-for-14 showing with runners in scoring position — a situation in which Seattle is hitting a paltry .229 for the season (25th overall in MLB).

And predictably, the law of averages caught up with them.

The usually solid Sewald coughed up a 3-2 lead in the ninth inning, the Mariners left more runners on after that, and the Sox eventually won this grim marathon 4-3 in 11 innings.

Aha, you were thinking after that game …

These sort of hijinks are exactly why the Mariners cannot manage to get above .500 or begin some kind of upward momentum.

Oh, but the first two games of the series were nothing.

Warm-up acts.

Sunday’s finale was historic in all kinds of ways.

And this one, absolutely, tells you without a doubt how a team can look totally helpless and still win roughly as many games as it loses.

Or in Seattle’s case, EXACTLY as many — since the Mariners now leave on a road trip with a record of 35-35.

How they manage to reach .500, though, almost defies description.

So did the Sunday game.

Chicago was starting 36-year-old journeyman Lance Lynn, who arrived at T-Mobile Park with an ERA of 6.75 — second-worst in the major leagues among pitchers with a qualified number of innings.

To say that Lynn has found a lot of barrels so far this season would be an understatement.

However …

These are the ’23 Mariners, and seemingly capable of anything.

And this time around, they made Lance Lynn look like Sandy Koufax.

ACCORDING to Statcast, which measures such things, a hard-hit ball must leave the bat at a speed greater than 95 miles per hour.

In seven-plus innings, Lynn allowed exactly one such connection — a two-run double by Julio Rodriguez.

Other than that, there essentially were no connections at all, as Lynn struck out 16 Mariners (and remember, this was in seven innings).

A pitcher who had averaged 5.71 Ks per game over 12 years tied the White Sox franchise record — done only once, by Jack Harshman in 1954.

Remember, the Sox (formerly the White Stockings) have been around since 1900, and were the Sioux Falls Cornhuskers before that.

Mariners hitters swung and missed 33 times against Lynn, the fourth-highest whiff rate since Statcast began keeping track in 2008.

Lynn obviously was spectacular, dotting corners with four different pitches and changing speeds like a master.

He also took the loss (sort of the White Sox story this season), as Jarred Kelenic made it 5-1 with a bases-clearing triple off reliever Reynaldo Lopez in the eighth.

Yep, Seattle’s second and final hard-hit ball.

Lynn was removed after 114 pitches, when Kolten Wong led off the eighth with a bunt single.

By the way, Lopez got a couple of strikeouts before Kelenic’s shot, so the M’s wound up with 18 Ks — matching the Sox from Friday night.

No, it was not exactly a three-day hitting clinic.

Now …

Can you honestly tell me that there will be a weirder three-game series anytime this year?

OK, OK.

Given what we’ve seen from the Mariners so far, maybe that was the wrong question to ask.

It should have been …

What next?

Email: [email protected]

Steve Cameron’s “Cheap Seats” columns appear in The Press four times each week, normally Tuesday through Friday unless, you know, stuff happens.

Steve suggests you take his opinions in the spirit of a Jimmy Buffett song: “Breathe In, Breathe Out, Move On.”