THE CHEAP SEATS with STEVE CAMERON: Welcome to my wonderful world of baseball math — or at least, how it applies to the Mariners

Welcome to a unique new math class.

No, we don’t bother with entrance exams, so if you froze up solid during that test for squeaking into med school, fear not.

(Although, just a side note here: If you DID pass that test by the hair on your chinny chin chin, perhaps you can find another doc to handle my open heart surgery.)

Now then.

Back to our current puzzle, which does not involve surgery on any vital organs.

No knowledge of quantum physics required, either.

So, no matter how many times you watched “The Theory of Everything,” and consider yourself an expert on the life and times of Stephen Hawking CBE, I’m sorry.

That knowledge will be pretty much a waste.

On the other hand, being an Albert Einstein junkie might help.

Quantum physics and, yes, the theory of relativity, have plenty to do with gravity, along with the speed of light, how fast Giancarlo Stanton can swing a bat, and various other forces of nature).

That was Einstein’s world, along with chatting in various languages and acquiring a string of mistresses.

ALL OF which brings us to baseball.

We are getting to the simplistic math of the game (for instance, Seattle has won the season series against Texas), but first, there are elements of baseball which seem almost spiritual to me.

For instance, way back when you could no longer make a putout by throwing the ball directly at a baserunner, the game evolved to the version you enjoy now.

Think about it.

A century ago, a routine ground ball to short plus an equally routine throw to first resulted in an out.

Tonight at Kauffman Stadium, a two-hopper to J.P. Crawford at short and his toss over to Josh Naylor would produce the same result you could have seen in 1925 instead of 2025.

Consider the beauty of that. 

Now we get to the present, and a mathematical question that would have had Hawking and Einstein stroking their chins (their own, not each other’s).

Oh, and we’re assuming that, for the sake of our puzzle, each are serious Mariners fans.

The deep question works like this: Would you rather have a playoff spot basically nailed down with nine games left to play, or would you rather take a chance and aim for winning the AL West.

That would mean risking everything.

Heading into Monday night’s play, Seattle led the division by one game over the Astros, with Texas three games back.

(That “three games” between the M’s and Rangers was actually four, as Einstein explained in the matter of space-time continuum.)

OK, Einstein never mentioned it, and he was a Yankees fan, anyhow.

IT TRULY was the equivalent of four games, though, because the Mariners won that season series against Texas.

So, crunch time.

Texas and Houston play each other, Monday through Wednesday.

The Mariners joust with the difficult Royals, tonight through Thursday, before heading to Houston and a battle that could decide the division.

Our puzzle?

Who do we want to win in this Texas-Houston series?

I’m at a disadvantage, obviously, since one game has already been played before this column is printed.

But the major question remains.

If Texas cannot win two of three in Houston (and the Mariners avoid catastrophe in KC), the Rangers will be almost out of dreaming distance for a wild-card spot.

On the other hand, Houston is in danger of falling further behind in the division title race.

The Astros don’t want to have Seattle coming to town this weekend, knowing that the Mariners only need two of three to put a hammerlock on the division.

FYI, Houston finishes with three-game series on the road against the A’s and then the Angels.

The Mariners are home, three with Colorado and then … Oh my goodness … the Los Angeles Dodgers are in town to finish the regular season.

Light some candles that L.A. has clinched the NL West by then, and doesn’t need the wins.

Texas?

The Rangers would almost have to run the table, and have BOTH other contenders collapse over the final nine games.

Remember, though.

In our science experiment (and in real life), Texas could still grab a wild-card spot.

From the clutches of the Mariners, possibly?

Sleep well, boys and girls.

Email: [email protected]

Steve Cameron’s “Cheap Seats” columns appear in The Press three times each week, normally Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday unless, you know, stuff happens.

Steve suggests you take his opinions in the spirit of a Jimmy Buffett song: “Breathe In, Breathe Out, Move On.”