THE CHEAP SEATS with STEVE CAMERON: The meow needs to turn into a growl for M's

How well do you know quantum physics?

Oh.

What we can do, then, is hand you a famous problem (it’s actually a paradox) in that discipline and let you ponder it.

The best most of us can do would be to understand the difference between theory and reality.

There’s a good reason for tossing this paradox around at the moment.

It’s all about the Mariners.

Now, physicist Erwin Schrodinger likely wasn’t thinking of baseball in 1935 when he developed a quantum puzzle that came to be called “Schrodinger’s Cat.”

Schrodinger made things far more complicated, but let’s take the simple route.

A cat is placed in a box, along with some poison that would kill it.

The feline is safe, however, as long as no one opens the box — thus releasing some of the poison.

Schrodinger was being sarcastic with the entire theory (taking a cheap shot at famous physicist Neils Bohr), but the bottom line was that, given the cat’s unique situation, Schrodinger posited that the animal was both alive and dead.

Simultaneously.

SO, NOW you see the point.

The Mariners are alive — they turn up on time for games — but the AL standings look as though someone opened the box and dealt them a fatal dose of …

Striking out with the bases loaded.

Again.

Schrodinger would be proud.

OK, fans who follow the M’s (but are not quantum physicists) have plenty of ammunition to scare the cat.

And the Mariners, too, hopefully.

Start with the fact that (prior to tonight's home game against Houston) Seattle is 29th in batting average throughout MLB.

They’re dead last in scoring at 3.1 runs per game.

Remember, this was meant to be a lineup that could bash.

Last year’s Mariners were third in home runs, and hoped the scoring wouldn’t drop off — despite having added Cole Young at second base and Brendan Donovan at third.

Plus, Josh Naylor was locked into a five-year deal that excited everyone, and Cal Raleigh was coming off that wondrous 60-homer season.

What’s happened so far?

Young and Donovan have smoked the ball.

Raleigh, Naylor and Julio Rodriguez, meanwhile, couldn’t hit a beach ball rolling across the plate.

Adam Jude of the Seattle Times, who trudged along on the Mariners’ recent 1-5 road trip to Anaheim and Texas, delivered the bad news this way.

“Among the 30 MLB clubs, the Mariners rank dead last in the three main surface-level statistical categories: batting average (.184), on-base percentage (.280) and slugging percentage (.301).

“To perform that poorly, a lot of things have to go wrong.

“Notably, the Mariners’ 2-3-4 hitters — Raleigh, Rodríguez and Naylor — have combined for 19 hits in 146 at-bats, a .130 batting average, with one home run, 45 strikeouts and 16 walks.”

Egad!

YES, YES.

I know.

There’s still a long, long season ahead, and maybe no reason to panic.

The pitching staff (with the exception of Logan Gilbert) has been as dominant as advertised.

Emerson Hancock has finally become a legit starter, and there are two studs waiting in the minors — Kade Anderson and Ryan Braun.

Plus, the Mariner pitching factory has once again developed a reliever or two who may show up in Seattle throwing gas and getting critical outs.

Alex Hoppe, snagged in November from Boston, hasn’t allowed a run in five appearances, and chalked up three saves.

The Mariners scouts and personnel people like Hoppe enough that he’s on the 40-man roster, and he could turn up at T-Mobile at some point.

And look …

The M’s will HAVE to start hitting.

They’re trying so hard right now that they’re flailing at high fastballs and sliders way off the plate.

It’s common to work on speeding up your bat, but these guys STILL aren’t timing the hard stuff.

A lot of hitting coaches believe that the World Baseball Classic screwed up everyone’s swing, and contact will come naturally.

Let’s hope we’re not still waiting at the All-Star break.

The easier they go after pitches now, the sooner they’ll start to hit.

Calm down, all.

Oh, and somebody take care of that cat.

There must be some leftover salmon around.

Email: [email protected]

Steve Cameron’s “Cheap Seats” columns appear in The Press three times each week, normally Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday unless, you know, stuff happens.

Steve suggests you take his opinions in the spirit of a Jimmy Buffett song: “Breathe In, Breathe Out, Move On.”