THE CHEAP SEATS with STEVE CAMERON: What if the talk went another way?

Are you the host of a daily podcast?

A regular guest, perhaps?

The visiting expert on a particular sport?

No kidding, now.

If you aren’t hooked to one of these “expert gigs,” a little group of neighbors might chuck you out on the street.

That’s if you’re lucky.

In Texas, Billy Bob the Mailman could feel insulted by that comment you made about SMU, and just flat set you on fire.

“The audience can hear you holler,” says Billy Bob with a massive hee-haw.

OK, OK.

This little skit was just for fun — like the three bears with their AR-15s.

Sort of, although …

I was a guest in Dallas one afternoon, and the host kept insisting that a Cowboys tight end was a waste of time and money.

Danger: Any local sports icon gives him/her an invisible shield, and if you pronounce a name wrong (like you mean it to be funny), well, get your fists up.

That original insult worked up a fellow who turned out to be a technician.

He had lots of tools within easy reach, which is why I used the word “danger” in our little story.

I HAVE nothing against Texas, nor technicians.

In Dallas or anywhere else.

It seemed like a ruckus involving podcasts and threats of physical violence was a good way to introduce our brave new world of sports communication.

It wasn’t so long ago that the average sports fan had no clue about podcasts.

The world of sports chatter basically involved radio talk shows.

I’ve hosted talk radio in cities where listeners, callers and everyone else took the programs seriously.

As in: “I’ll see you outside!”

Fortunately, I’ve never run into a guy with a grudge and a tire iron.

Threats?

Oh, yeah.

Now that I can look back — without a catalogue of broken bones — it all seems like fun.

I mean, who wouldn’t be thrilled for the chance to exchange clever remarks with a Norwegian placekicker?

I WONDER now what life would be like if I leaped into a swimming pool full of podcasts.

I’m getting a little long of tooth to start up a new game — although my friends would tell you that I don’t need much batting practice to jabber away for nine innings (or 162 games).

I DO have some opinions.

A group of us were in the midst of a bull session in a pizza pub one night — each guy just positive he was correct.

I cleared my throat, waited for (relative) quiet, and said: “In my humble opinion …”

At that point, a gentleman many of you know from his former position of authority at The Press, promptly cut me off.

“You’ve never HAD a humble opinion.”

“Touche!”

Let the record show that although I was tossed unceremoniously out of the conversation that evening, I can always battle back.

Bring on the podcasts and anything else.

“My, oh my!”

Email: [email protected]

Steve Cameron’s “Cheap Seats” columns appear in The Press three times each week, normally Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday unless, you know, stuff happens.

Steve suggests you take his opinions in the spirit of a Jimmy Buffett song: “Breathe In, Breathe Out, Move On."