Experts explain the biggest mistakes parents make during custody disputes

As a parent facing custody disputes, don't commit the same mistakes experts say other parents do, including letting emotions guide decisions, leading to them badmouthing the other parent. Violating court orders and not considering seeking professional custody battle advice can be just as bad.

Perhaps the worst mistake, however, is forgetting to prioritize your kids' best interests. Remember: the children always have it worse. They have no control over the changes and face significant instability. Some even blame themselves.

As the cultural and social platform CultureWatch points out, kids with divorced parents have a 40% higher risk of jail time. They also have a 60% increased risk of teen pregnancy and are less likely to go to college.

By familiarizing yourself with practical parental custody tips, you can make more informed decisions, avoid custody pitfalls, and mitigate the severity of the split's effects on your children.

What Is a Custody Dispute? 

Custody disputes are legal disagreements between divorced parents or guardians. The lack of consensus between the two parties can be about a child's:

• Living arrangements (where the child lives)
• Who the child spends time with
• Which parent can make critical decisions regarding the child's upbringing (e.g., education, health, or religious beliefs)

The more custody-related matters parents disagree on, the more likely they are to have frequent court appearances, resulting in high-conflict cases. Unfortunately, they're common and can account for up to three in ten (30%) of family court dockets, per a study cited by the Center for Divorce Education.

Why Are Custody Battles So Hard? 

Custody disputes are hard because they can be a significant source of emotional, physical, and financial exhaustion, combining:

• A roller coaster of emotions
• Complex legal processes
• Significant disruptions to daily life (e.g., missing school or work days due to court appearances, traveling considerable distances to see children)
• "Money pits" (due to custody battles costing a lot in legal/attorney fees, court costs, and expert witness fees)

Another factor that adds to the difficulty of custody battles is that they usually create a "winner-takes-all" atmosphere. The environment in these procedures can be highly adversarial, making the side that hates conflict likely to break down and lose.

What's the Biggest Mistake in a Custody Battle? 

According to the National Organization for Men Against Sexism, over 95% of custody cases settle amicably. 

Despite this, some divorce cases with children involved still lead to painful custody battles. If you or a loved one is in such a predicament, avoid committing the family court errors we've outlined in this child custody guidance.

Badmouthing the Other Parent

Never let your emotions get the better of you, as this can influence your sound decision-making abilities. It can increase your risk of acting on anger, fear, or revenge.

Parents who become too emotional may, for instance, badmouth the other parent. It's a huge mistake that courts may interpret as harmful parental alienation.

The parent who commits harmful parental alienation can suffer from severe damage to their credibility. The court may penalize them by restricting visitation rights or even awarding full custody to the other parent.

Violating Court Orders 

As courts process child custody cases, they typically issue orders regarding visitation and decisions on the child's medical care or education. Violating these orders can lead to:

• Court sanctions
• Contempt charges
• Negative changes to custody arrangements

Not Considering Seeking Professional Legal Advice

Family laws, particularly those affecting children, are extremely complex and can vary widely from one jurisdiction to another. If you don't have prior knowledge or experience in custody matters and you choose to represent yourself, you could end up:

• Missing deadlines
• Misunderstanding evidence rules
• Losing crucial custody rights

There's no law mandating you to enlist the services of a family lawyer for a child custody dispute. However, you should at least seek their advice. If you feel worried about the cost, know that you can get a free consultation, according to this page discussing Colorado divorce lawyers.

Forgetting to Prioritize the Kids' Best Interests 

The biggest mistake parents can make when facing a child custody dispute is focusing most of their time and energy on treating it as a revengeful competition.

One example is when parents use their kids as pawns. Another is attempting to break the bond between the other parent and the kids (parental alienation). Both are ways that parents can fail to prioritize their children's best interests.

Frequently Asked Questions

What Looks Bad in a Child Custody Case? 

Parental alienation and court order violations are some of the worst ways that can make a parent look bad in a child custody case.

Substance abuse is another.

If there's proof that a parent has a substance use disorder (SUD), the court may regard it as the parent's inability to provide their child/children with a safe, stable environment. As a result, the court may restrict the parent's visitation rights or even grant the other parent full custody.

A history of abusive or erratic behavior can also make or break child custody cases. It's again due to the court prioritizing children's best interests. Therefore, if one of the parents has a history of domestic violence or abuse, hostility, or uncooperativeness, the court may limit their custody rights.

How to Deal With a Nasty Custody Battle? 

No matter how nasty the child custody battle you're in, always set your sights on your child's or children's best interests. Make them feel as loved as possible, and restrain yourself from talking negatively about their other parent.

You should also follow every order the court issues, whether it's regarding your parenting schedule or making court appearances.

If your ex tends to create or escalate conflict, it's all the more reason to seek legal support. An experienced family lawyer can handle all correspondence with your former spouse. 

Avoid These Mistakes During Child Custody Disputes 

Child custody disputes can have a significant emotional, physical, and financial toll on parents, especially if one or both parties are unwilling to come to an amicable agreement.

No matter how high-conflict your case is, however, you should never badmouth your ex or violate court orders. Instead, focus on your child/children's well-being and best interests. 

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