The Exhausted Dad: The magnetic pull of the computer

I try my best to stop my kids from being obsessed with technology.

My oldest didn’t get a proper cell phone until deep into middle school, literally the last of all her classmates to get one. Now a ninth grader, I still keep her off basically every social media platform except for Pinterest, which she somehow scrolls like the rest of the kids use the “hard” social medias.

My next oldest, a sixth grader, technically owns a cell phone. We bought it off eBay. It can access the internet, and if you try to text a picture from it, the phone buzzes and smokes like it’s going to self-destruct in five seconds.

He couldn’t care less about his cell phone, despite most of his classmates walking around with a much fancier tiny computer. I’m relieved that, unlike his sister, he hasn’t begged me to buy him a “proper” phone.

Don’t credit me with Father of the Year accolades just yet, because my 12-year-old son still can’t keep his eyes off a screen. The kid uses a laptop to play off-brand "Minecraft," code his own simple video games and create animation. Even if we give him YouTube time, he uses it to find ideas on how to code and animate his own creations.

It all sounds “educational,” and, sure, he seems to be engaging his brain instead of drowning in brain rot. The problem is he CAN’T STOP. WON’T STOP. He uses every second we allow him to use his laptop, and he spends all the rest of time eating, sleeping, going to school and asking what he can do to earn more computer time.

The kid even sneaks away from the dinner table to see if we forgot to turn off his device for the night.

Sometimes I think he might be using the computer inappropriately, but his search history remains consistent, and even his coding and animation projects sustain a certain childlike charm (as opposed to the alternative — middle school punkery). His big animation project at the moment features Bluey, a character aimed at much younger children… well, no, “Bluey” belongs to every age demographic.

I worry about the sheer amount of time he wants to be on his computer. But I also like how I can exploit his obsession for my own benefit.

OK, that sounds harsh (Father of the Year!). Really though, the kid who somehow always managed to avoid chores for his entire life now eagerly completes a checklist of household needs, from emptying the dishwasher and moving laundry to trash retrieval and walking the dog.

It works even when I’m not available to micromanage his responsibilities. The computer simply stays locked until he completes his tasks. When he finishes, he sends me a text from his highly advanced cellular device. While I don’t always receive the text immediately (because I bought a used phone on eBay!), I take comfort in the fact that I’ve forced him to move literally any other muscle besides the ones he uses to work his mouse and keyboard.

He will eventually learn to evade my advanced safety protocols. I can be easily fooled. For too long, I thought the “Cool Math Games” website actually contained educational content.

All I know is that it’s basically impossible to keep kids off screens, especially ones who show genuine interest in worthwhile endeavors that require the use of a screen.

I also find it somewhat ironic that for all my efforts to limit his use of a cell phone, my son spends way more time on a screen three times the size. But I did block “Cool Math Games.”

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Tyler Wilson is a freelance writer, an attorney and parent to four children, ages 8-14. He is tired.

    The Exhausted Dad