THE CHEAP SEATS with STEVE CAMERON: Sports — it's just different over there ... please ...

It was the strangest message I’ve received in …

Ever??

Here’s the exact first paragraph: “Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please.”

Huh?

It sounds like a final letter to the governor, begging for a stay of execution.

Not quite.

In fact, what you just read was a tear-streaked request asking for a change in the final score of a soccer game played last Sunday in London.

There were plenty more letters and emails aimed in the same direction (to the English Premier League), although most were angry demands rather than crushing heart-breakers.

OK, so why did I decide to let this story cross the Atlantic?

Three reasons.

First, I am a wild-eyed supporter of a team involved (Arsenal F.C.), and the match against West Ham United, had huge consequences for BOTH teams.

Each club faces two games after the showdown that caused so much fuss.

My beloved Arsenal is a Premier League powerhouse, but hasn’t won a league title since 2004 — when we became the one and only top division club to go undefeated.

Ever.

Short version: Victories over West Ham (the game in question), Burnley and Crystal Palace would clinch a return to the throne room.

With each week, my heart beats faster.

WE HAVE the talent to dismiss those three teams, but nerves are getting involved … and in such a low-scoring sport, any kind of fluke can happen.

Which brings us to the particular “fluke” that caused such a ruckus on Sunday.

Less than 10 minutes remaining, no score, and finally we get one.

Arsenal has the best defense on the planet, so we should have been able to see the game out … but then there was a scramble in front of our net, and the damn thing is in.

I forgot to mention the game was at West Ham, so the crowd went nuts.

But then …

The assistant ref upstairs told the guy on the pitch that he might want to look at a pitch-side review. Question of whether our goalie got mugged.

He did.

Pretty obvious with each look.

Still, the whole hoo-hah took 11 minutes.

That’s like … forever … at a soccer match, with everyone waiting and the two teams barely able to breathe.

FYI, the Premier League refs have a terrible history with Arsenal.

Let’s call it … CHEATING!

So, despite the evidence, we feared the worst until, shockingly, ref Chris Cavanaugh announced that the goal was disallowed.

We (the Arsenal world) almost keeled over as a group. I think the refs, with all the horrible media hovering over them, just decided they’d have to be cautious.

OF COURSE, we’ll go bonkers if two more weeks get by without any kind of goofy upset.

There’s more, too.

Arsenal plays Paris St. Germain on the 25th for the European Champions League title, which is different. And in some ways …

Bigger.

We could wind up with a “double” — or with nothing.

At least we’ve got a shot.

I had to get this story into print for a couple of reasons (besides Arsenal).

It reminded me, once again, how different elite-level sports can be from one country to another.

For instance, Brits can get totally wound up about Saturday night darts.

(I almost took one in the ear while walking through the door of our pub one night.)

They’ll play golf in a monsoon.

Now, that I understand, since my kinfolk invented the sport.

When they say “The Old Course” at St. Andrews, they mean it. The first foursome teed it up in 515.

Even now, golf carts aren’t allowed in most places (you walk and pull a “buggy”).

Villagers got together and filled in bomb craters World War II.

Somehow, it feels a bit different than your average American resort.

As I said up front, it’s just different.

Anything can happen.

Even to the Mariners.

Email: [email protected]

Steve Cameron’s “Cheap Seats” columns appear in The Press three times each week, normally Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday unless, you know, stuff happens.

Steve suggests you take his opinions in the spirit of a Jimmy Buffett song: “Breathe In, Breathe Out, Move On.”