Don’t let misunderstandings lead to big misses

A husband was reading his favorite magazine. His wife, who was working on a crossword puzzle, suddenly called out, “John, what is a female sheep?”

“Ewe,” replied her husband. And that’s how the fight began.

A leading marriage counselor says that at least half of the divorces in this country can be traced to faulty communication between spouses. How many problems in business are caused by the same problem?

Management consultant Peter Drucker claimed that 60% of all management problems result from faulty communications.

Avoiding misunderstandings is fundamental to a successful workplace, not to mention life in general. Getting along is largely dependent on your communication skills. If doing your job is important, you need to let people know what you’re doing, and you need to understand what they want from you.

Communication comes from the Latin root commune, which means “held in common.” To make communication work, we must make sure that the people we’re talking with understand what we’re saying as well as we do.

Curious though it may seem, good communication starts with listening, not talking. Expressing yourself is vital, but understanding what others are telling you allows you to make your arguments more persuasive. 

If you want your views to be respected, you must show equal respect when others express their opinions. Show that you understand their words and ideas, even if you disagree with them. A little empathy goes a long way. 

It’s been said that a message sent is only as good as the receiver’s perception of it. Verbal communications tend to create confusion and misunderstanding for a very simple reason: The 500 most commonly used words in the English language have more than 14,000 definitions.

For example, to a European, a Yankee is an American; to a member of the Boston Red Sox, a Yankee is a member of a rival baseball team; and to a Southerner, a Yankee is a Northerner.

Avoiding misunderstandings is crucial in both personal and professional relationships. Start with active listening. When someone is speaking, give them your full attention. Avoid distractions and maintain eye contact. Repeat back what you’ve heard in your own words to confirm understanding. For example, “So, what you’re saying is ...”

After important discussions, summarize key points and agreements to ensure everyone is on the same page. In professional settings, follow up with an email or message summarizing what was discussed and any action items.

If something is unclear, ask questions to gain a better understanding. This shows you are engaged and interested. Invite others to share their thoughts and feedback to ensure mutual understanding.

Avoid vague language. Be clear about your expectations, needs and feelings. Express your thoughts and feelings by starting with “I” to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, “I have a concern about ...”

Studies show that you have a better chance of getting your message across if it is positive. 

Be mindful of nonverbal cues. Pay attention to your own and others’ body language, as it can convey a lot of information. Be aware of how your tone can affect the message you are delivering.

By implementing these strategies, you can significantly reduce the likelihood of misunderstandings and build stronger, more effective relationships.

Here’s a final story to illustrate my point. A construction worker walked up to the reception desk at a doctor’s office and was asked why he was there.

“I have shingles,” he replied.

She asked for his name, address and insurance information and told him to have a seat.

Ten minutes later, a nurse called his name, took him back to the examining room and asked him again why he came to the office. Again, he answered, “I have shingles.” She asked him some medical questions and told him to stay there until he could be seen.

Another 15 minutes passed, and a different nurse entered the room, took his blood pressure and temperature, and asked him to change into a gown. She assured him the doctor would see him shortly.

Thirty minutes later, the doctor finally appeared. He said, “I understand you have shingles. Where are they?”

The construction worker replied, “Outside, in my truck. Where do you want them? And can I get dressed now?”

Talk about a breakdown in communication!

Mackay’s Moral: The longest distance between people is misunderstanding.

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Harvey Mackay is the author of the New York Times bestseller “Swim With the Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive.” He can be reached through his website, www.harveymackay.com, by emailing [email protected] or by writing him at MackayMitchell Envelope Co., 2100 Elm St. SE, Minneapolis, MN 55414.