Peaks & Valleys: Daters speed to the spark

“We should do this,” my friend emailed me, attaching a link to a speed dating event.

I was somewhat relieved to see that the online signup prescribed an age range. Then doubly relieved I didn’t fall within it. 

Instead, I opted to observe — and brought along my teenage son, for whom in-person dating is so old it’s new. We took seats at the bar amid a few regulars. 

The atmosphere at Waters Edge Winery & Bistro that Aug. 18 felt sparky, with participants looking smart and mingling, warily eyeing the well-laid tables where the five-minute conversations would occur. Participants ranged from a digital nomad to consultant and podcaster, from a retail clerk to bear hunter.  

Illesh Johnson, impresaria of the Hearts & Honeycomb event, greeted everyone and checked them in on her computer at the end of the bar. As start time neared, she scanned the room. “We’re missing some women,” she said under her breath. 

Two women who had reserved spots weren’t showing, and another had called earlier to say she was coming but had not turned up yet.  

“You should jump in,” I said to bartender Chelsea, who was standing by.  

She laughed. “I’m married!” 

I thought it would have been harder to recruit men than women. Johnson nodded no. “The general consensus I’m getting from women is, Men suck,” she said, then shrugged. “That’s fine. Those aren’t the women for this anyway because they’re not ready yet.” 

Her first event was Valentine’s Day. “That went very well!” she said. The next one will be in Polson, where she recently moved after tiring of working three jobs in Northern California. 

Just walking through the door for any in-person activity with strangers these days is a feat of courage and faith. It also seems more efficient than swiping, and more fair. It’s risky out there, and the online world also ratchets up the random. 

With the warm environment, appetizers and classy-casual vibe, the night seemed more like a party than a test. 

“After each round I’m going to ring the bell,” Johnson said as the women headed to their places. “Then you have one minute to use the QR code to take a three-question survey.” This would determine whether participants match, at which point they would receive each other’s contact information and presumably be off to the dating races. 

She turned to the guys clustered behind us. “We’re missing a few gals,” she said. “We’ll rotate you through.” 

Soon the room filled with a friendly hubbub, and all looked eager to get started. Though I didn’t see anyone use them, Johnson mentioned the conversation cards on the tables in case anyone got stuck. When the bell rang, they didn’t stop. 

“They would like more time to talk,” Johnson said to us. “I need to get a louder bell.” 

We chatted with the fellows waiting their next turns. One, in a heavy metal T-shirt, said he thought he already had scored a second date. Another introduced himself and about shook my arm off. He may want to work on that. 

After the rounds, one headed out beaming a smile. He said to Johnson, “I’m looking forward to the matches!”  

Margaret E. Davis, executive director of the Northwest Montana History Museum, can be reached at [email protected].