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Fatherly advice of what not to do

BILL BULEY | Hagadone News Network | UPDATED 11 hours, 13 minutes AGO
by BILL BULEY
Bill Buley covers the city of Coeur d'Alene for the Coeur d’Alene Press. He has worked here since January 2020, after spending seven years on Kauai as editor-in-chief of The Garden Island newspaper. He enjoys running. | June 20, 2026 1:00 AM

One might think that as a father of five, I could offer some words of wisdom, sound advice and childrearing tips that might prove helpful as we look to Father's Day on Sunday. 

And I could.  

But I won't.  

Because I doubt you would find them helpful. And I'm not the one to offer fatherly advice. 

You see, my father, a good man who overcame childhood poverty and whom I dearly loved, imprinted a few things on his children. Traits of him are clear in me and my brothers. He taught us two main things: work hard and party hard (which is code for drink a lot). I took both to heart. When our kids were little, we moved often and had little money in towns like Priest River and Forks, Wash., early in my journalism career. Even then, I worked six to seven days a week and managed to find time to visit bars late at night. 

Now, I believe our children, three boys and two girls, turned out well despite their dad. They are bright, kind, dedicated and yes, hardworking. I am proud of them and love them. They bring me great joy.

While I will not share my thoughts on what fathers could or should do when it comes to children, I will share some things you should not do. In this area, I have experience.

I don't like to look back with regret. Nothing to be gained from that. Better to be thankful to God. Nonetheless, sometimes I shake my head and wonder what in the world I was thinking when I was a young father (and I often still do today as an old father). 

Let's begin. 

Don't be so committed to your work that you neglect your family. Don't put work first. This is an easy trap to fall into, and one that is defensible. I missed untold numbers of our kids' games and activities because I believed I had to work. Did I really? Hmmm. By the time our youngest son, Ray, came around, I had come to my senses and went to almost every football, baseball and basketball game he played. 

Don't find time for hobbies above time with your children. In my younger days, I ran over 50 miles a week even though it meant I wasn't home in the morning. Again, I could argue this was good for physical and mental fitness, which it was (well, mentally maybe not). But what I was telling my family was that running time was more important than kids' time.

Don't drink too much. I'm not saying never have a beer. I am saying don't spend too much time and money in bars or sitting at home drinking beer before or after work. Yes, a cold beer late night and even morning sure tastes good, but I believe it robs you of your desire or willingness to do better, to become more, to challenge yourself. It helps us create excuses. It lessens the importance of your family and your role as the head of it as a father. 

Don't be overly critical of your children. It's all too easy to find fault, to point out mistakes, to give them the feeling that nothing is good enough, that they are not good enough. Once such feelings become ingrained in a child, they are difficult to leave it behind.

And last, don't let your kids believe even for a minute they don't matter, that what they do really doesn't make a difference, that they don't deserve your best. Don't let them grow up feeling like you are too busy and don't have time for them. 

Well, that's a lot of what I think fathers should not do.  

But I guess, after all, I would like to tell you one thing dads should do daily when it comes to their kids. It's simple, but its impact will last generations. 

Love them, with all your heart. Leave no doubt. 

• • •

Bill Buley is managing editor of The Press. He can be reached at [email protected].


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While I will not share my thoughts on what fathers could or should do when it comes to children, I will share some things you should not do. In this area, I have experience.